Why Does It Have to Be Complicated...?

I find it odd that I seem to crave oddities in my life... especially when it comes to romance. Why do I over-complicate things? Why do I need to feel some level of a "chase"? Why am I only really attracted to men that are unavailable-- emotionally or otherwise? Does love really have to be such a puzzle?

This school year alone, over five guys have come right out and told me that they thought I was cool. They wanted to date me. They asked me to dinner and movies. They told me I was beautiful. When I left town they reassured me of how bad they missed me. Yet, I'm not with a single one of those great guys.

Instead, I spend my spare time thinking about boys that give me the run around. Why is it that I find it attractive for someone who never lets me know where I stand with them? And if those are the guys I always fall for--- will I ever truly find happiness?

I obviously like drama in my relationships for some odd reason. Still, I despise it everywhere else. I want school to be straightforward. I want my friends to be honest and forthcoming. I want my family to be dependable. But for some strange reason, I find unreturned phone calls, messages, and romantic gestures to be a just the ticket to my heart.

But relationship drama doesn't make a happy life. It's weird how I find myself longing for life after college sometimes. I picture myself back in Texas-- preferably Dallas. I picture my beautifully decorated apartment. I can see me walking my dog in the park and going out after work for cocktails with my girlfriends. For some reason however, I don't see a healthy relationship with a man. Is that sad? Or is it liberating?

Can I move on from the unhealthy relationship habits I've developed? Or are they there as a type of security blanket? Maybe I'll change for the right guy. Or maybe I'll miss out on him because he doesn't like to play games with my heart. Or maybe we can play games together... games that lead to a great love.