What a Difference a Year Makes...

One year ago, I was deeply unhappy with the relationships in my life. I didn't know how to put an end to the things I hated or how to begin things I wanted. One year ago, I considered almost anyone my friend. I never paused to think that the trust that I automatically placed in people could possibly be betrayed. Moreover, I constantly involved myself in situations that could only end badly. Instead of looking out for "number one" I just worried about having a good time.

One year ago my idea of a fun night was going over the same house and drinking with the same people I always did. Every night I would hug the neck of the same people I saw just a few days before and exclaim how much I missed them. In reality I didn't care for any of these people-- I mainly went because I felt it was what you were supposed to do. One year ago I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life after college. In fact, I never even gave "life after college" much consideration. Instead I focused my energy on making sure that people, who I didn't even care about, liked me. One year ago I was 20 going on 16-- too young to care about my own health, safety, or sanity.

In short, one year ago I was a much different person. I feel like I have finally grown up for the first time. I am at a place that I can let go of all the bitterness that I've held onto for so long. I used to thrive on being pessimistic-- but now I feel like waking up and expecting the very best from myself and others. I know that I am a strong, beautiful person that is capable of more than I've ever given myself credit for. Also, I know that I have been blessed beyond measure. I have a wonderful family. I have a good handful of friends that make me laugh and that I can trust. I can go out and instantly make connections with strangers. I am young and healthy. I am intelligent and now know better than to get caught up in the drama of college or greek life.

A day isn't very long. But 365 days has turned my entire life around...

Where Does The Fault Go?

I guess there are some things in this world that we'll never fully understand. Some of those things are of limitless beauty. Just try watching the Discovery Channel or Animal Planet. When you see of picture of a galaxy billions of light years away, you can only marvel at it with awe-- but your mind can't completely wrap itself around the concept. When you see a herd of elephants circling up to protect their young from a predator, you can see a strong bond-- but you can't quite grasp the connection.

I think that people are a lot like that as well. Sometimes you can admire someone for their beauty, strength, courage, etc. Yet, those same people are sometimes the most likely to disappoint you in other areas. More importantly, the strength you once admired can quickly transform into a weakness that you loath.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: No one is perfect. Sometimes you might really wish they were-- but it will never be true. People are going to make mistakes-- mistakes that will ultimately harm others or worse, themselves. In reality all you can do is to live your own life in a way that you can be proud of.

It is very common to see the beauty in other things. Still, how often do we look for the beauty in ourselves? In contrast, it is all too easy to point out the faults of others. Yet, how often are we capable of pointing out our own? It seems easy to give out advice all day long, but how often do we stop and actually listen to it?

So here's my peace: I'm sorry that you aren't who I made you out to be. That fault lies with me. I hope you find your own happiness. I hope you're capable of doing so. As for me, my happiness doesn't lie with you. It lies within myself...

Happy New Year...

It's a new year. Perhaps this is a good time to begin new changes in my life. I have several goals and I figure the best way to state them all is simply by listing them.

I want to start eating a little healthier.

I want to begin working out regularly-- kind of like I did in high school.

I plan on going to bed earlier and not sleeping as late.

I want to become a little more eco-friendly.

I hope to focus on loving myself.


I intend to not seek out relationships-- but instead let them come to me.

I want to look at the stars more often.

I intend to get an internship in Dallas for the summer.

I want to spend money more wisely.

I hope to start letting the little things roll off my shoulders.

I want to enjoy more time with my friends and family.

I hope to excel in school.

I want to enjoy my last year and a half in Conway.

I want to be content with the life I lead.

That might be a lot of things to accomplish but I still think they are still decently realistic. I hope 2008 brings everything I want it to and none of what I don't. Ok-- I'm not that optimistic. But here's to the New Year anyway--- who knows?... It very well could be my year!