A Lazy, Late Night Post on Christmas Day

I've been in Texas for quite awhile now and it is kind of driving me insane! I don't think I even realized how much I rely on doing things my own way.

Just the other morning I thought it was fully rational to murder my older sister when she opened my door, pounded on my wall, and turned on the light at 9 a.m. How crazy is that?

I'm ready to get back to Conway. I have a lot of goals for the New Year. I think I'll save those for a special post later though. For now, I just wanted to record what Christmas with the family has been like in 2007.

My mother still cooks a wonderful meal. My sister still tries to control and please everyone in the house at the same time. My little brother still refuses to help pick up any mess and insists on sitting in front of the XBox. Ronnie still looks forward to desert while he is eating the meal. Yet-- everyone has changed a little as well. There are very subtle undertones that I am bombarded by every time I wake up in my childhood home.

Maybe that's why I want to get back to Conway. Who knows? I head back on Thursday. To be honest, I'm headed back to probably more confusion than when I left. Isn't it weird how when you get what you really want-- you suddenly don't want it anymore?

I doubt this post will make much sense to anyone but me. Then again, that's who I write for.

The Casual Life-Style

I think that everyone is guilty of trying to map out their lives. Some people want to be married or have kids by a certain age. Others try to plan out the dates that they'll be graduate schools or when they'll make partner in their law firm. But when it comes down to it, sticking to the plan we have laid out can be fairly difficult.

I am currently a senior at UCA. I have three more semesters to go. I want to get an internship in Dallas this summer. I want to move there when I graduate. I want to rent a beautiful apartment. I want to have a great job. I want to do event planning on the side. I want buy a house by the time I'm 28. I want to get married at some point. I want to get engaged during the Christmas season.


However, I don't know if any of this is possible. All I know is that I have to continue to go with the flow that has become my life. I might not get to go to Dallas. I might rent until I'm 40. I might never get married. Still, for now I'm content with my life. My big plans might never work out but as long as I have fun along the way I don't see any harm in that.

As of now I have great friends in my life. I throughly enjoy school. I am seeing someone who makes me smile. I am truly happy. Who knows what will happen in the next month or two?-- certainly not I. Yet, I'll just continue to live my casual, laid-back life with a smile on my face, a girly drink in my hand, and good friends by my side!

When Does It Become Too Late?

I've been thinking a lot lately about the phrase, "It's all about timing". I can't seem to go more than 10 minutes without checking the clock--- but I constantly seem to be running late for things. More often than not I am late for my classes. Sometimes I am late to work. Yet, sometimes it's too late for far more important things.

Have you ever wanted something real badly? Maybe you pursued it. Maybe it got away. Maybe you thought you could learn to live with it and you were beginning to move on. Then, out of no where-- it's there again-- beckoning you. But now it's just a fraction of a second too late.

Sometimes a fraction of a second can change your life. Maybe a split decision keeps you from getting killed in a car wreck or saves you from some other terrible fate. But what happens when that fraction of a second stands between you and what you know to be true happiness? It is never too late in the movies. Just when you think that there is no way the characters can possibly be together--- he swoops in and sweeps her off her feet.

My life isn't like the movies. It's just a fraction too late. That fraction has cost me my happy ending.... For now at least.

Come sit a while with me...

A lot has been on my mind lately. So much so that I haven't had the mental capacity to organize it into one cohesive post. Therefore, this post will be more of a rambling than anything else. Picture this with me-- you sit on a park bench beside me to talk and this is what pours from my mind.

I wonder how hard life will be after college. I wonder if I'll still get to go home from the holidays. I wonder if late nights out with friends will still be feasible.

I want to know why I fall for people I don't want to. I want to know why being near you gives me butterflies I don't want. I want to look ten years in the future and just see if it was worth it. Where am I? Where are you? Do we even think of each other in passing-- or are we finally together?

I want to savor every moment. Yet, they slowly seem to be slipping through my grasp. I'm ready for my time at work to be done. But I'm going to terribly miss the friends I've made along the way. What will my day even be without Ian, Brandon, Evan, Emily, Keri, Khris, Cameron, Sarah, Peach, Tremayne, Ronnie, Brian, Kelly, Terrance, High School, Brooks and everyone else!? Will I be lost?

Will it snow this year? If so, who will walk across campus with me in it? I love my classmates so much recently. They make my heart soar! They make school worth all the hassle.

Most importantly, I'm full. I'm full of laughter. I'm full of stress. I'm full of delight and despair. I'm full of hope and anger. I'm full of dreams but sometimes plagued by doubt. What will become of me? Of better yet-- What will I become?