When People Make Mistakes...

I've been thinking about how people mess up. Sometimes, we mess up just a little bit-- and we can simply laugh it off. Sometimes, we mess up quite a bit-- and we can simply apologize. Sometimes, we mess up more than we can imagine-- and there is no simple solution.

I saw my biological father this weekend for the first time in a long time. I can remember all the hatred that I use to hold against him. I can recall laying in bed and hoping he was miserable with the life he chose. I guess I've grown up since then because this weekend, I felt zero hatred towards him. In fact, I kind of pitied him. How sad is it to make a mistake and never really be able to move on? How sad would it be for me to hold it against him forever? Who would that help?

No one. It's that simple-- no one benefits from a hatred that strong. In fact, I'm pretty sure the hatred I once harbored against him just wore on me. So I'm forgiving him. And more importantly, I'm forgiving myself. That applies to more than one person in my life as well. I feel that the grudges I've carried have probably harm me more than anymore. So I'm done with it.

Live your life. Love it. Because if I can be completely honest-- I'm loving my life more than ever before! I have some amazing friends. Kristen is my soul mate. Lindsay is my partner is crime. Natasha & Sara are my rocks. Rachael is my comic relief. And for the first time in a long time I can also say that I there is a special someone that gives me butterflies in my stomach. He thinks I'm beautiful. He loves my spunk. He enjoys my sense of humor. Yet, he is nothing I ever expected.

I'm not making plans for the future. I'm not planning out every detail of my life. Why? Because life is an adventure for me right now. It's full of surprises and laughter. It's all that I've ever wanted. Perhaps looking too far ahead would scare me or maybe change my mind about things. I chose to live in the moment. And frankly, this moment is good!