Growing Up at Last....

Lately, I've started to feel older. And not just in the sense that a new year brings yet another birthday.

I feel as if for the first time in my life, I am starting to really mature. It isn't as if I have never matured in the past. When I graduated high school, I matured enough to take care of myself and go to college in a distant town. In college, I matured past drinking way too much and acting out to get attention. But now, I feel as if something much bigger is happening.

I pay a car note, car insurance, and cell phone and credit card bills. But it really isn't about the money. I've begun to make some life altering decisions about law school and loans. But it really isn't about the career decisions either. I am currently filling out paperwork to obtain my very own life insurance policy. But this really isn't about the grown up things I'm forced into doing.

I think it is about all the little things I am starting to think about all on my own.

I guess I have begun to seriously contemplate my future-- beyond law school. Sometimes I find myself wondering when I'll be able to start saving for my children's education and my husband and my retirement. Since I don't have a husband or children, I at first found these thoughts to be a little misplaced.

I used to swear I would never be ready to be grown--and true, I still don't feel ready to take on a serious boyfriend, much less a husband and kids. But for the first time, I can see that readiness on a distant horizon.

I used to fret over getting older. I used to declare I could grow old but no one could make me grow up. True. Still, a part of me is looking forward to growing up. I don't plan on rushing into anything. I still want to enjoy each step in the process. But I know that one day, when my hair is gray, I'll be grateful that I finally grew up.