Lately I feel as if I am standing at the doorway leading to the rest of my life...The door is cracked, just barely, and through the crack I can see glimpses of the life I will live. I see Margarita Wednesday with friends, I see a handsome man who makes me laugh, I see children running through the sprinklers being chased by a dachshund, I see a quaint house all lit up during the holiday season.
But there are also things hidden in the shadows of the door-- uncertainties. Will I be good enough, smart enough, strong enough, brave enough? Will I be a success, a failure, or drop out? Will anyone be there to catch me when I fall or dry my tears on a lonely Tuesday night?
On my side of the door, life is familiar. It may not be everything that I've dreamt of, but it is safe and warm. I know that I'm smart enough and strong enough on this side. I know that I have people to catch me and hold me on this side. But this side is slowly slipping away and I will be forced to open the door and cross the threshold into a new, daunting life.
My stomach churns and my heart aches with mixed feelings as I get closer to that doorway. I mourn for the familiar life I will be leaving behind. I worry for those who I know will be lost without me, even if only temporarily. But I also feel a deep sense of excitement for the unknown, the unconquered and the endless possibilities. That doorway could very lead to everything I've always wanted.
Still, I do not rush to open the door. Instead, I'll sit down beside it on my safe familiar side for just a while longer. I'll let the rays of light, shining through the cracks, warm my skin. I'll cross my legs and hum a soft song to myself. I'll remember that life is about choices: Choices that scare you, Choices that excite you, Choices that make you sad...But most importantly, Choices to see what's behind the next door.
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